Hayesing
by Cha Oseye Tempest Thrain
Summary: Hess and Hayes have an encounter. Just a little one shot, all puns intended. COMPLETE. Edited for clarity... Thank you julie, actually it's a 'flashlight' up here, too.


"Hess… I'm not asking you. I'm telling you."

I'm in an excellent position to ignore my commanding officer, despite the fact that he's straddling my legs. For most people (not _just_ women) having Commander Tucker in such a pose would be a hard won accomplishment and something to treasure, but I'm not most people. For one thing, I know him too well. And for another… well, _he_ should be the one half-way down this tube, not me, but the little darling is afraid of heights – hence the fact that he's sitting on my legs to prevent me from taking an inelegant and rather fatal plunge into oblivion.

"It's not my idea, Hess. Hayes wants a look at _everybody_."

"I don't get along well with most of Hayes' men, sir. I get along with most of his women even less." Considering that I cracked Corporal Cole's shin, I don't blame them.(1)

"Captain _insists_, Hess. And Malcolm agrees with him."

"Well, that should give you a clue right there. Why should I be the instrument of Malcolm's revenge? Michael's my _brother's _name, not mine." And few people would classify me among the angels.(2)

"Hess… it's a lousy little martial arts class. You could _sleep_ your way through it."

"That's not a good way to approach a fight, sir. And from what I've heard, you're not learning much, except how to grab Corporal Cole, and piss off Sub-Commander T'Pol."

He lifts his weight and I slip a little.

"Not funny, sir." I make a mental note to suspend him by his underwear from a high ceiling one day. "All I am stating is that it is a bad idea. My mother told me not to pick on people."

"I see that lesson took."

"People, sir. You don't count."

He lets me slip again. "You care to repeat that, Hess?"

"Not in my current position, sir. However, if you keep dropping me like this, the juncture is going to be out of my reach, and I won't be able to fix it." I will, however, come back from the dead, simply to remove portions of his anatomy. I make a couple more adjustments, then replace the panel.

He lies down on top of me and grabs my belt, hauling me up. "So… tonight. You've blown off enough of these as it is."

"I'm volunteering with the Red Cross tonight, sir. It'll have to be another time." He stands up and I scramble to my feet.

He waggles a finger under my nose. "Oh, no you don't, little miss. You are showing up."

"I'll be showing _you_ up in a minute," I mumble.

He raises his eyebrows, but makes the cardinal mistake of leaving his hand where it is. I grab it and twist it around fast, dropping him to his knees. "Not funny, Hess," he echoes my earlier remark.

"We're agreed then. I'm not going."

"Yes, you are." It's not Mr. Tucker who answers me. I release the commander and spin around.

"Sir. I was simply demonstrating to Commander Tucker why there is no need for me to attend…"

Captain Archer leans in close, until his nose almost touches mine. "You are attending because I say you are attending, is that clear, Lieutenant? You will go, and you will participate. You will be there for instruction."

"Sir." Now that part goes too far.

"This is not a debate, Lieutenant. There are to be no excuses, there are to be no attempts to weasel out of it. I don't care if you break both legs and your neck on the way down there, you are going to attend."

"Will you be there, sir?" Because I know who I'm taking as my partner if he is.

"Not a chance, Lieutenant." He smiles his little smile that makes him look like a demented crocodile. "I know your nasty little mind. And you're not to beat up Lieutenant Reed, either."

"I wouldn't dream of it, sir." After all, there's no fun if there isn't any challenge.

"Dismissed."

I walk away, trying to get the sight of Commander Tucker kneeling at Captain Archer's feet out of my mind. I hear them talking as I round the bend.

"You know, you've got to stop letting her get away with things like that, Commander. A little discipline…" At least I got away with the easy lecture.

…

"All right, pair up, and work on those drills." To my complete unsurprise, no one decides to work with me. I _could_ go claim Commander Tucker from the clutches of the evil Cole, but then I'd have to start teaching him. And until I work on his breakfalls a bit, I'm not going to take that kind of risk.

"Weren't you listening, Lieutenant?" Major Hayes interrupts my silent assessment of the Boy's non-existent combat skills. "I said 'pair up.'"

"Odd man out, Major." Technically I outrank him, because I am Starfleet. "And don't make any comments, either."

"Carter!" Hayes snaps his fingers, and one of his men turns around.

"No, sir (3)," I tell him. "I don't want to explain his broken body to his momma. Because _she'll_ be explaining it to _my_ momma, and that would not be a pretty story." I watch Carter turn pale… this is the first time he's had a real look at me. Cole and Commander Tucker may have grown up in the same county, but Carter and I grew up in the same _town_.(4)

"With all due respect, sir… I'd rather not." Carter seems to be trying to hide behind Ensign Sato. Given that he's six-six, it's rather amusing.

Hayes turns back to me. "So you think you're that good, then."

"No sir. It's other people who think that, sir."

He nods. "Okay." He turns around to face the others. "A little change in program. We're going to do some weapons training first… then we'll go back to the hand to hand." He walks over to the wall, picks up one of the training rifles, and tosses it to me. "Let's see what you can do."

I catch it in one hand and do a quick once over, checking powerpacks and switches to make sure they're functional and where they ought to be. I grunt, mainly because I'm not impressed with it. The sights are hardly top of the line, and these things are obviously at least three years old. He walks over to the console and activates their target practice program.

I snap the rifle to my shoulder and begin picking off targets. I fail to see why Malcolm has such a hard time with it – it's more like a videogame than an actual combat scenario. I mean, they're not even shooting back. I play around with a couple of different positions – just the classics: standing, kneeling and prone. It gets boring after a while, even when it switches to multiple targets. I hear someone muttering behind me, and it sounds like Malcolm. _I_ could have told him that this was a bad idea. It's not my fault I learned how to shoot when I was young, and that I was taught by experts. Actually, I'm glad _someone's_ saying something, because the quiet is a little unnerving. I remember something one of my brothers once told me: 'if it's quiet, worry, because either everybody's dead or they're waiting to ambush you.' And since they tended to do that during our many laser-tag/paint-ball games, I keep waiting for someone to jump out of nowhere and kill me.(5)

After the requisite number of misses, the system finally shuts down. I find it significant that Hayes doesn't announce my score. Instead he's looking at me like I've just drifted in from outer-space.(6) "Where did you…"

"I did some diagnostic and testing work with IDIOT. It's a far better system."

Most of the crew looks confused, but Malcolm goes pale and Hayes turns red. "IDIOT?" He screams7, "You've actually worked with _IDIOT_?"

"Don't even say it, Hess." Commander Tucker jumps in before I can open my mouth.

I shoot him a dirty look and clarify. "Interactive Digital Integrated Operations Training. It's still in the testing stages, only a few agencies have been selected to check it out, and Atlanta ERT was one of them."

"Oh." That's enough for Commander Tucker, and Malcolm's shifted more into the 'green with jealousy' range.

"Yeah, it's cool. You can actually get shot, and the VR suit gives you a good shock if you do. There's a variety of sets, and the targets move more realistically, too."

"Sweet." If it involves techniness and toys, I know I can get Commander Tucker to side with me every single time. In fact, he seems to have forgotten the fact that Corporal Cole even exists – even though she does contain more silicon than your average mainframe. "So it's more realistic… kind of like a DOOM LXIV."

"Well, there's no radioactive zombies… but it _is_ more immersive, and it makes better use of lighting and shadow effects. _And_ there's scenarios where you have to worry about civilians. You're not supposed to shoot them, so it teaches you to _recognise_, then shoot – not just shoot."

"Let me guess," Malcolm growls. "You're related to the designer."

"Actually, no." I have a large family, but I can't be related to everybody. "_He_ is." I point at Hayes who's now an interesting shade of purple.

"My cousin…" Hayes mumbles. "_My_ cousin, and _she_ gets to beta-test the program." Suddenly an ugly grin appears on his face. "I know who you are… _Gearhead_."

Commander Tucker moves in quickly and lifts me off the floor before I can react. He carries me over to the corner, and we have a quiet conversation.

"You're not allowed to kill him, Hess."

"Why not?" Only one nickname truly hurts, and that's it. I used to get called that all the time, a punishment for being smart. Small and smart is not a good combination – it's one of the reasons my brothers taught me how to fight.

"We might need him. Besides, I think it's illegal." I hate it when he's logical. And right.

"Put me down."

"No." His arms are shaking, but he doesn't let go.

"Five hours ago, you couldn't _wait_ to drop me." Over his shoulder I can see Corporal Cole glaring at us.

"Five hours ago you weren't borderlining on homicidal behaviour."

"No, I think that was you. Now, I _said_ put me _down_."

"Calm down, first."

"No."

"Don't make you hurt me, Hess." He's really trembling now, and his grip's getting tighter.

Hayes is smirking. "You can't get out of something as simple as that?"

Commander Tucker drops me, then quickly grabs my collar before I can do anything someone might regret.(8) "No, Hess."

"Why not?"

"I said so."

"Spoilsport." I cross my arms over my chest so I don't give into the urge to smack him.

"No, no, Commander. I'd like to see what she's got." Hayes moves over to the mat and takes up a sparring position.

"Right." Commander Tucker marches me over to the racks and starts pulling out some sparring gear.

"Good idea, she probably should be protected." For a MACO, Hayes has no survival instincts whatsoever.

Commander Tucker takes one look at my face and drops the gear on the floor. He then hustles me out into the hallway.

Hayes yells after us. "I'd like it if you two hurried up your little lover's quarrel and let me finish this class." He sounds like he's snickering, and I nearly go back to change that.

"This is not being productive, Hess. The captain specifically stated that you were to participate…" Commander Tucker doesn't let me go, probably counting on the fact that I feel too much pity for him ever to hurt him.

"Which you are preventing me from doing," I point out.

"And take instruction."

"Sir… with all due respect to the Major's abilities, they haven't been teaching you guys much. My five year old niece could beat you sir… and you've had a couple of months at this." I hold up a hand to stall his protest. "Sir… I know that there's always something new to learn from everybody, I've even managed to learn a few things from you." I reach up and take his face in my hands. "But this really isn't good, sweetie. They've taught you a couple of tricks that work _if_ your opponent does things exactly according to the book, and is willing to play nice." The audience picks this as its time to look out the door, and Cole looks like she might burn a hole in the deck. Malcolm just rolls his eyes. "This stuff won't even help you in a bar fight."

"But…"

"_Malcolm_ managed to beat that man up, honey. I mean, _Malcolm_. Now I love him dearly…" Commander Tucker's face begins to light up and I dig my fingers in deep behind his ear. "Not like that, sweetheart. As I was saying, I love him dearly – _like a brother_ – but he's not nearly as good as he could be." Over Commander Tucker's shoulder I see Malcolm give me a gesture that involves the first two fingers of his hand. I mouth back the words, _You wish_. He makes a face at me, but even I can see the back of his neck turning red. "Furthermore, the captain got very, _very_ angry when Malcolm did that. Now the captain doesn't like me. It would not be good for me to make him angry. He's under enough strain as it is."

"Then why are you standing around in the hall, instead of doing what I instructed?" How does he always do that? How does he always manage to sneak up on me, when I've spent my entire _life_ learning how not to get sneaked up on? If anyone ought to be teaching things…

The crowd pulls back inside the cargo-bay-turned-gym, and I turn to face my nemesis. "Major Hayes was creating a dangerous situation, sir. It is my responsibility not to take part in such activities."

"Let me guess. He insulted you."

"That does qualify as creating a dangerous situation."

Commander Tucker gives a nod of agreement. "You've got to admit, sir…"

"Go away, Trip." Captain Archer looks pointedly at the cargo-bay doors.

"Yes, sir." Commander Tucker rejoins the others, leaving Captain Archer and I alone. The coward.

"What am I going to do with you, Lieutenant? I suppose I could charge you with insubordination…"

"I suppose I _could_ sue you for defamation of character…"

"But that would take up time and energy that I simply do not have. However, seeing as your default mode seems to be that of a child, I _can_ take measures suitable for a person of that age. Get in there, and behave yourself, or I'll revoke your privileges." He does his leaning in thing, which shouldn't be intimidating, but it is. Maybe it's because he's in better shape than he should be at his age, and there's something dangerously unpredictable about him.

"Privileges, sir?"

"Your game system. Your stereo. Movie night. Marshmallows."

"Marshmallows, sir?" I try to play innocent, but how did he find out about those?

"I know everything, Hess. I even know that you've been trying to corrupt Lieutenant Reed with those, and I will not have it."

"I would hardly say one night with hot-chocolate and video games qualifies as corruption." Especially since it was Commander Tucker and Malcolm who started the marshmallow fight, after Commander Tucker accidentally killed Malcolm's character in the game. I mean, just because Malcolm learned more uses for gelatinised sugar than he ever thought possible, and just because it took three days for him to calm down long enough to stop giggling every thirty seconds.(9)

"A simple night with hot-chocolate and video games does not generally involve my chief engineer finding feathers in his ear two days later. Anyone else, and I'd be worried about charges of fraternisation."

"But with me, he practically _is_ a brother, sir. An ugly brother, but a brother nonetheless." You'd have to see my family to believe it, but it's true.

"But this is all beside the point, Lieutenant. Now there are two ways this can go. After all, we do actually have a brig now." Despite all my years in the 'Hess Annual Five-Card-No-Limit-Hold-'Em Tournament' I still can never tell when Captain Archer is bluffing or not.

"I will go back in there, sir."

"And?"

"And I will try to ignore Major Hayes when he is being an asshole. And I will not beat up Malcolm, and I will not torture Corporal Cole, and I will be a credit to Starfleet and to this ship."

"Good girl." He pats me on the head, like I'm kin to Porthos or something. Though I think he likes Porthos better.

"Woof."

He doesn't answer, just takes my shoulders and spins me around, and gives me a shove towards the doors.

I step back inside, and everyone stops what they're doing to stare at me. I cross my arms over my chest, deciding not to move.

"Lieutenant…" Captain Archer's voice echoes over the loudspeakers.

I sigh, and take up a position on the mats. Hayes grins like he's won something and joins me. I don't move, just stand there, looking bored. I'm not even looking _at_ him, instead, I'm watching the far wall.

He launches a punch, and I move on a forty-five degree angle, away from the punch and towards him. I brush his hand aside with my left, and catch his wrist in my right. I then twist his arm around until the joints lock, and apply pressure to the nerve over the elbow. "Down! Get down, now!" I force him to the floor, and hold him there. Part of it's momentum and part of it is the position his arm is in. He can't resist me, even if he does outweigh me by more than fifty pounds.

"It's not a good idea to fight with your back to a mirror, Major." I say it to him quietly, while kneeling on his arm. "Especially when dealing with someone like me." I let him go, and stand up. I take a few steps back so he can recover.

He scrambles to his feet and resumes his sparring position. "Very good, Lieutenant. Excellent reaction."

"I am impressed." I see Malcolm has moved over next to Commander Tucker so they can watch.

"Yeah, she didn't kill him. She's learning." I'm reminded of those two old-man Muppets who sit in the balcony and make wisecracks. Reflexively, I give the pair of them the finger (10), but this time I _am_ watching Hayes. I don't expect him to make the same mistake twice. What I'm _not_ watching is his eyes. That's an amateur mistake, because eyes can lie.

There's a couple of fakes that I stay out of range of, then he throws a kick. I block it with my arm, then move in and scoop his leg up before he can get it on the ground. Then it's just a matter of hooking his remaining leg with one of mine and a simple push-pull action, and he goes up and over, landing on his back. I demonstrate a finish to the technique, stopping my foot just as it brushes his groin. There's a communal wince from all the guys watching – Hayes(11) is lucky I've got very good control.(12)

"I do believe that's two falls out of three," I tell him. "My match?"

He gets up, and he looks somewhat homicidal. "A little cocky, aren't we, Lieutenant?"

"More than you nearly were." This garners a few snickers from my side. They've actually divided up, Starfleet vs. MACOs. Even Sub-Commander T'Pol has taken up a position with our group.

"We'll see about that." He thinks I don't see the look that passes between him and Corporal Cole, but I do.

"Stick hits the ice, and the gloves are coming off." I mutter. I've heard about his little tricks, but I don't think he knows about mine. If he wants to play nasty…

He comes at me, and I subdue him again, and out of the corner of my eye I see a flash. I use the push pull on Hayes' arm, dislocating his elbow. As I let him go and he drops to the mat, I shove my foot out in a back kick that catches the incoming Cole hard in the stomach. Turning, I grab her shoulders and bring my knee up to her chest as I pull down. There's an ugly crack, and she screams. One of the other MACOs grabs me from behind in a chokehold, so I drop to one knee and twist my shoulders, sending him flying down to the mat. My fist connects with his ribs, and he screams as well.

"That's enough!" At the sound of Captain Archer's voice, everyone freezes; his tone could cool off an anti-matter reaction. "Lieutenant, my ready-room, now. Mr. Hayes, when you're ready. I suggest you see Dr. Phlox, first.

I'm still shaking from all the excess adrenaline pumping through my bloodstream. I'm so upset that I don't even bother to reclaim my boots, I just go to his ready-room like he says. I'm there for about ten minutes before he joins me, and places my boots on the floor next to the door.

"Sir, I…"

He lifts up a hand. "I don't want to hear it, Lieutenant."

There's five more minutes of nervous (13) silence, then Hayes shows up. "Sir."

"What the hell do you think you were doing?"

I'm about to answer, when I realise he's talking to Major Hayes.

"Sir?"

"I gave the Lieutenant here specific orders to exercise some self-control. I didn't think I needed to give them to you."

"_She_ injured _my_ people, sir. It was a training exercise…"

"Bullshit." The captain suddenly gets up from his desk and into Hayes' face. "The Lieutenant defended herself from an apparent attack…"

"Is that what she told you, sir?" Hayes' balls didn't seem that big when my foot nearly removed them.

"She didn't say anything. I simply know what I observed. And I am aware of Lieutenant Hess' background. _You_ were aware of Lieutenant Hess' background. Yet you insisted on setting up a situation that would bring that background into play."

He turns to me. "I apologise, Lieutenant. You warned me that Major Hayes was creating an unsafe situation, and I chose not to listen to you."

I nod, but don't say anything. After all, Captain Archer seems to be on _my_ side here, which is a very strange thing indeed.

"Major. We had this discussion when you and Lieutenant Reed felt it was necessary to prove which one of you was the stronger. What I fail to understand is why I am here having this discussion a second time. Do you have a learning disability? I don't need my crew – and that includes you and your people – taking each other apart. From what Phlox says, you got off lightly this time. You ended up with a dislocated elbow, Corporal Cole with a cracked breastbone, and Corporal Fisher with a broken rib."

"Yes, sir."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I…"

"I was trained to subdue, sir." I step forward and come to attention. "When Corporal Cole entered the fight, I reacted instinctively, sir. I dislocated the Major's elbow because simply letting him go would be no guarantee that he wouldn't re-enter the combat. Each of those injuries was intended to be as minor as possible while preventing them from harming me, sir."

"It was a _training_…" Hayes breaks protocol and turns directly to me.

"And how did Lieutenant Hess know this? From what I saw, her one on one encounters with you _were_ fairly benign and according to training S.O.P. It was only when you decided to pull your fancy tricks and break the rules…"

"There are no rules in a fight." Hayes' answer echoes my own thoughts. And they trigger something frightening even to him.

"What was that?" The crocodile grin returns, but this time I'm not on the receiving end of it. "No rules? So if there's no rules, what's the rule stopping Lieutenant Hess from applying the amount of force she deems necessary to eliminate a perceived threat?"

I wonder if he's been reading my law books again, while Hayes stiffens even more. "I…"

"It seems to me that minimum force _was_ used, Major. I'm certain Lieutenant Hess could have caused a lot more damage if she chose to. _Furthermore_, it seems to me that you're _fortunate_ that Lieutenant Hess has the control that she does. I'm sure circumstances could have been a lot more dangerous had she been less trained and more inclined to panic."

Suddenly I realise that I've not been Malcolm's Michael at all. I've been playing avenger for someone much closer to having the authority to play God. If there's one thing Captain Archer values above all else, it's his crew. Hayes has done this before – when someone's gotten too good, like Ensign Mayweather, he's made it an 'unfair' fight. And Captain Archer is right: when you're training, you tend to stick with the rules, and you expect your teacher will, too. For most people, this means they _won't_ perceive the new entry as a threat – I've been taught the opposite. Or – as the captain just pointed out – someone who's untrained _could_ panic, and if they don't know what they're doing, either they, or someone else could end up _very_ badly hurt, if not dead. Hayes' little trick is not only dangerous, it's bullying at its worst: humiliation used as a teaching tool. The captain hates bullies with a passion that borderlines on fanaticism.

_"You will be there for instruction."_ It occurs to me now that he never specified which end of the instructing I was going to be on. I could be angry that I was manipulated and used, but instead I'm rather impressed. If I'd known ahead of time, then Captain Archer and I would have been in collusion, and there would be charges of premeditation. But since I didn't know, and since it's common knowledge that no one can predict my behaviour at the best of times… I have to force myself not to applaud.

"I expect there to be no complaints from this, Major. Take it as… a training exercise. Learn something from it."

"Yes, sir." Hayes is smart enough to know that he's been outmanoeuvred. Not that I feel sorry for him, because the captain does it to me all the time.

"Dismissed, Major."

Major Hayes salutes, then marches stiffly out the door.

"Lieutenant." The captain focuses his attention on me, now. "Don't take this as carte blanche to beat up MACOs. I'm letting you get away with it this time, but try not to do it again."

"Not unless I need to, sir." After all, they've never designed a deck plating that easily cleans up when bled on.

He stands beside me, and drops a friendly arm over my shoulder. Actually, it's more around my head, given our height difference, but I choose not to perceive it as a threat. He bends down so he's closer to my ear. "And do something about Commander Tucker, would you? He doesn't seem to be learning anything with Corporal Cole in there. A five year old could beat him."

"I've told him that, sir. Unfortunately, his blood-supply keeps getting redirected."

Captain Archer sighs. "Yes, that does seem to happen to him quite a lot, doesn't it?"

"There's a row of lockers back at the Academy that could serve as proof of that, sir." They actually contain an imprint of his body from when he walked right into it.

"I dragged him to the hospital with a concussion once," the captain reminisces. "He fell down a flight of stairs when Lieutenant Rosario was coming up from the gym."

"Actually, that might have been the time I hit him over the head because he was focussing too much on Ensign DeMatteo's butt than the joint we were soldering."

"No, Lieutenant, I actually watched him fall down the stairs. I've never seen anyone execute a three point landing like that."

We stand there, side-by-side, staring at the opposite wall and thinking about the single fundamental flaw in the Boy.

"You actually hit him over the head?"

"With a welding torch, sir." It was either that or watch him set himself on fire.

The captain shakes his head, and brings himself back to now. "So… just do something with him. I don't know, give him something basic, teach him how to…"

"Fall down, sir?" Actually it is the first thing you need to learn, especially if you're going to be throwing people.

"That might be where to start, he does seem to have a talent for it. And don't tell Hayes. I don't think he needs to be humiliated further." The captain seems to realise that we're being civil and steps away. "I'm sure you understand the need for this crew to stick together and be prepared, Lieutenant."

"Yes, sir." I realise that that's the other angle he's been working with this. Because of the training sessions, there's been mutters and resentment that the MACOs keep thinking they're so much better than the rest of us. By letting Starfleet get some of its own back, he's giving them the confidence boost they need. Morale's been falling fast out here and even this small victory might be enough to help.

I'm about to leave when he stops me again. "Lieutenant."

"Sir?" I turn around in time to see something flying through the air at me. I catch it instinctively. It's a bag of marshmallows.

"Get these out of here, for me will you? Before someone makes a comment about how you are what you eat?"

"Yes, sir." I transfer my bag to my other hand then pick up my boots and press the door switch. I catch sight of Commander Tucker as the door opens to the bridge – he's working diligently at his station, trying to look like he doesn't see me at all. I know he wants to know what happened, especially when he sees me holding the marshmallows. He cocks his head slightly in that little vulnerable way of his, and I shake mine in an answer. He pouts, and I sigh and nod, mouthing the word 'later.'

I glance back at Captain Archer who's watching us, and shaking his head. But there's a slight smile on his face, a real smile and not the crocodile grin he's been using for the last while. It's a side of him he's been hiding for a while, afraid of what might happen if the world finds out that he's really a softie.

"Marshmallow." I mumble. I don't think he hears me.

* * *

1 Some people are such poor losers.

2 Not that I classify Malcolm as God, either. There are just some things that are too sick to ever contemplate. Or ridiculous as the case may be.

3 Just because I outrank him doesn't mean that my momma didn't raise me to be polite.

4 In fact, his sister is married to my brother's ex-girlfriend's ex-boyfriend. And no, he's not my brother-in-law.

5 Yes, I had an _interesting_ early-childhood education. Which may explain some of my tendency towards paranoia.

6 Aside from the fact that we _are_ in outer-space.

7 Everyone else says it was merely a shout, but I'm sure I heard definite traces of a 'girly-scream' in there.

8 Later on, in Sickbay. As they recover.

9 Okay, so the marshmallow fight devolved into a pillow fight, which ended up with feathers all over the place, and Commander Tucker kept getting them in his mouth and stuck to his eyelashes, which drove him crazy. So he spent the rest of the night picking them off and trying to shove them down my shirt, and then we spilled the hot-chocolate, and it landed in the worst possible place (for him). Then he shoved me, and I fell and ended up with my head in Malcolm's lap, at which point Malcolm dumped the pile of feathers he'd been sweeping up all over me. All in all, it was a very interesting night.

10 To which Malcolm mouths '_Only if I'm in Hell_,' but I'm ignoring him.

11 Not to mention any future significant others he might encounter.

12 He's also quite lucky that Commander Tucker made me take my boots off.

13 At least for me.


End file.
